A Very Belated Apology
by starbunny86
Summary: A gift from the Earth King reminds Zuko of something he ought to have done years ago.


_It was only an ostrich horse._ That's what Zuko had told himself at the time. _It was only an ostrich horse, and he and Uncle needed it more, and they were only_ Earth Kingdom peasants, _so why worry about it_?

He had convinced himself of this so well that he had quite honestly forgotten about the incident. Between helping Aang save the world and taking the throne, and all the ensuing drama in the years since then, his juvenile theft of an ostrich horse during one of the worst times in his life had been the last thing on his mind.

But just last week, the Earth King had sent a fine ostrich horse to the palace, a gift of goodwill between the two sovereigns, a pledge to work together for the good of the world. Ever since the incident with the Harmony Restoration Movement, both Zuko and Kuei had made _goodwill between sovereigns_ somewhat of a priority. No one wanted a repeat of that near-disaster.

But this gift made Zuko feel like he had been punched in the gut. He knew the Earth King _probably_ hadn't sent him an ostrich horse as a passive-aggressive reminder of his past crimes. There was almost no chance anyone who knew about the theft could have identified Zuko, and even less chance that the story could have made its way to the palace in Ba Sing Se. But that was no comfort to his poor conscience. As if he didn't have enough things to feel guilty about as it was.

He tried telling himself that it had been more than five years since the incident, and everyone involved must have forgotten about it by now. He tried telling himself that Song and her mother surely must have gotten themselves a new ostrich horse by now, that everything would have been back to normal for them, no lasting ill effects.

But he was not convinced. Which was why he was awake, pacing the floor of his room hours after the rest of the palace was asleep.

He was Fire Lord. He couldn't be arrested for his crimes - at least he didn't _think_ so - but he also couldn't grovel before Earth Kingdom peasants. Wasn't it enough that he was trying to establish peace in the world? That he was trying to reform the Fire Nation and support rebuilding efforts in the war-torn areas of the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes? Was he expected to right _every_ wrong in the world?

But he knew that wasn't the point. This was different.

He sighed loudly and resumed his pacing.

"Zuko, _what_ are you doing?"

He spun around, mentally kicking himself. He'd woken Mai.

"Just thinking."

"Well could you think some other time?" she yawned. "We both have such a full schedule tomorrow. I have to show the Earth Kingdom ambassadors around, and you have all those meetings. We need sleep."

"Sorry," he guiltily climbed into bed. "I'll be quiet now."

But even though he was quiet, and even though he eventually did fall asleep, his dreams were of a smiling, trusting, cheerful Earth Kingdom face, and the disappointed, hurt look that face had worn as he rode away.

He was not a very patient Fire Lord the next day.

* * *

The next night, Zuko started his pacing earlier. Mai was still awake, brushing her long hair and tying it back so it wouldn't tangle overnight. Zuko used to be surprised that she did this every night - it seemed like such a girly thing for her to do, and even if she was into doing her hair, that's what the royal spa was for. _If you had long hair, you'd do this, too,_ she'd said when he had asked. _Besides, who wants to use the royal spa and come back smelling like flowers?_ Zuko had significantly cut back on his trips to the spa since that conversation.

But tonight he felt like a good hair washing might be what he needed to soothe his nerves. He crossed the room to Mai and took the brush out of her hands.

"Let's get our hair washed," he said, pulling her up.

Mai cocked an eyebrow. "Is this your idea of a date? Because you've thought of better."

"No, I know better than that," he smiled wryly. "I just need to think through some things, and I want your advice, and I thought-"

"You thought the sickeningly sweet fumes would jump-start the conversation?" But she didn't pull away.

The royal spa was empty when they arrived. Zuko lit the lights and surveyed the room.

"I guess we need to go find someone to-" he began, but Mai sighed heavily, cutting him off.

"Oh, just sit down. I'll do it."

"But you don't even know how to..." his voice trailed off at the look on her face. "I mean, you're the Fire Lady. You shouldn't have to do this."

"Just sit." She grabbed his shoulders and pushed him into the seat. "I know what I'm doing."

And so she did. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her fingers massaging his scalp. He had nearly drifted off to sleep when-

"So what did you need to talk about?" Her voice no longer sounded sharp and sarcastic. It had taken on that warm tone that she reserved for him alone, the one that said she was not bored, the conversation was not beneath her, and she cared. Zuko lived to hear her speak to him like that.

"How much have I told you about when I was on the run with Uncle in the Earth Kingdom?"

"Just the basic details. You had no money, you eventually ended up in Ba Sing Se, you worked in a tea shop."

"Yes, that's the gist of it. But, well... something happened that I wanted to tell you about."

Her hands stopped. Her face suddenly appeared, upside down, right in front of his eyes. "Tell me you didn't have an Earth Kingdom girlfriend..."

Zuko sat up quickly, splashing water over his robes and nearly hitting his head against hers. "No! I mean... that's not what I wanted to talk about," he finished guiltily. Mai's eyes narrowed dangerously. He set his head back into the water and covered his eyes with his fists, and groaned. "I went on one date in Ba Sing Se - _one_ \- and it was because Uncle made me. Honestly, I'd forgotten about that until you brought it up. And that's _not_ what I wanted to talk about." He lowered his hands. She had a mischievous smile on her face. In fact, as soon as she caught his eye she winked at him.

"You're such a dork," she laughed, resuming combing his hair. "Uncle Iroh told me about that years ago. I was just teasing."

Zuko let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and laughed, too. "Well that's a relief. No, what I wanted to tell you about was when Uncle ate a poisonous plant and I had to take him to a hospital." He paused. "Has he told you about that, too?"

"Actually, no, he seems to have left that story out."

"Well there was an Earth Kingdom girl who worked at the hospital. Her name was Song, and after she healed Uncle, she brought us back to her house and fed us. She thought we were war refugees, that the Fire Nation had destroyed our homes or something, and she was really nice to us. And then when we left that night, I stole her ostrich horse."

"And you wanted to tell me about this because…?"

Zuko twisted a bit in the chair so he could look at her. "Because I never paid her back for it. I, well, I forgot about it, just like I forgot about the date in Ba Sing Se. I only just remembered yesterday, when I received that ostrich horse from the Earth King, and I thought I should do something about it, but I don't know what to do."

"You could always try getting her a new ostrich horse," she said dryly.

"But it's been so many years, and she didn't know who I was. It wouldn't make any sense to her without explanation, and this is the sort of thing I shouldn't explain in a letter, right?"

Mai helped him sit up, patting his hair with a towel. "Well if that won't work, the only option is to go to the Earth Kingdom yourself, find her, and beg her forgiveness. And _then_ get her a new ostrich horse."

* * *

Which was how Zuko found himself a month later standing on the steps of Song's house with the finest ostrich horse money could buy tethered in the yard. He had left Mai and the small retinue of guards that typically accompanied them in the village, much to the chagrin of his head of security, and had traveled to her house on his own. He had decided not to wear his formal royal robes, which would have usually been customary in a situation like this ( _if any other Fire Lord has ever had to do anything even remotely similar to this_ ), but was instead wearing his less formal maroon and gold robes with his hair down from his usual top knot. He still was instantly recognizable as Fire Nation, though, which was probably why when he entered the village he had received plenty of stares and the occasional dirty look. He thought they might have done more than give him dirty looks if they knew who he was and what he had done.

The house looked different from how it had looked all those years ago. Zuko couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something. He wondered what kind of reception he would receive. _Now or never_.

He lifted his hand and knocked at the door. Several seconds went by, during which Zuko spent contemplating his life choices, most of them bad ones. _I've made enough bad decisions for all of Aang's lifetimes,_ he just had time to think, before the door swung open and he was face-to-face with her.

Everything Zuko had planned to say left him. His mouth went dry and he started to sweat. He needed to say _something_ , and fast.

"Uh…" he said helpfully.

"Lee," she said softly, but not unkindly. "What are you doing here?"

"I, well, um," he stammered. He half turned and pointed behind him. "I-brought-you-an-ostrich-horse," he finally said, feebly.

Song blinked. "Come inside." She opened the door wider and stepped aside. She brought him to the dining table. "Mother was just about to serve lunch."

"No," Zuko said firmly. "I'm not here to take anything of yours."

"It's just food." She was so polite, but there was a coolness in her voice that he didn't remember.

He sat down, unsure of what to do now that he was here. He had a speech prepared! Why couldn't he just spit it out? He had been Fire Lord for more than half a decade, why wasn't he better at this kind of thing yet? Why was he still so awkward with words?

Song's mother came out of the kitchen carrying a roasted duck - of _course_ it was roast duck - and stopped dead when she saw him. Her mouth pressed into a thin line, but she went back into the kitchen and came back with another plate and a pair of chopsticks, which she set down in front of Zuko.

 _Why were these people so_ nice _?_ Zuko felt like if they had just yelled at him, as they should, it would have been so much easier.

The two women sat down, and it was the mother who spoke first.

"Lee. What a surprise to see you here again."

"Uh, yes ma'am. I came to apologize. To explain. To make things right."

"Why are you dressed as Fire Nation?" Song spoke up, her voice trembling slightly. "How can you wear those robes when a firebender…" she trailed off, looking at the scar on his face. Blushing, she looked down at her plate.

This would never do. He had no choice, he had to just say it. He pushed his chair back, stood up, brought his hands together in the traditional Fire Nation sign of respect, and bowed just as deeply as he thought he could get away with without dishonoring the crown.

"I am so sorry I deceived you. My name is not Lee, and I was never an Earth Kingdom war refugee. I was a banished fugitive from the Fire Nation." He straightened himself out of the bow, and looked Song in the eyes. "I had to use an alias, because if anyone had known who I was, my life would have been in great danger. But I did not have to steal your ostrich horse. I am very sorry for the hardship that must have caused you, and I intend to make it up to you as best I can."

"You're _Fire Nation_?" He could tell she was horrified, even frightened. "We sheltered the enemy…" she whispered, burying her face in her hands. "You could have killed us!"

"Uncle and I would never have done that! We're not like that!"

"No, you're only an ostrich horse thief," the mother said mildly.

Zuko winced. "I am so, so sorry. It was wrong of me. But we were in desperate need-"

"Then you could have _asked us_!" Song burst out, though she still didn't sound angry. "We could have spared her for a while, you could have borrowed her. Or you could have promised to pay us for her when you got the money. Why did you spit on our kindness by stealing?"

"I am not proud of who I was back then." He sat back down and hung his head. "This wasn't the only bad decision I made as a teenager, and you're not the only ones I hurt. But I hope you'll believe me that I'm different now."

No one spoke for a long time.

"What is your real name?" Song finally asked.

"Zuko."

"Zuko, like the Fire Lord?"

Zuko's face reddened. "Uh, yes, actually. Because I am him. The Fire Lord, I mean."

Song's mother laughed. "The Fire Lord? A penniless refugee stealing our ostrich horse? Oh, that's rich!"

But Song wasn't laughing. "And your… uncle?"

He winced. "Uncle Iroh. The, uh, Dragon of the West."

She shook her head. "This is so much to take in all at once."

Zuko may have been bad with words, but he could recognize when it was time to leave.

"I'll... take the ostrich horse to your stables and leave you two to eat your lunch in peace."

The hen was sleek and beautiful, from a well-respected line, and impeccably trained. She was a pleasure to ride. Zuko had selected her himself, and he had a good eye for ostrich horses, if he did say so himself. He led her into the stable, and was surprised to see that the stable had been expanded since he was last there. Three ostrich horses were already in the stables. It had been a long time, but he only remembered there being the one.

He put her in the only open stall, supplied her with water and hay, and even brushed her down for good measure. She looked beautiful.

"You do your best for them, okay?" he said, rubbing her sleek neck fondly. "They deserve some good luck after all the bad I brought them."

He hung up her saddle and bridle and saddle bags. While he was at it, and since he had time to kill, he refilled the hay and water for the other ostrich horses, and brushed them down, too. He was just finishing the last one when he heard someone enter the stable.

"She's beautiful."

Song was standing outside the new hen's stall, patting her feathers and hand feeding her grain. Zuko left the stall he was in and joined her.

"I really am sorry. You were so nice to me. I was such a messed-up kid back then. My life had turned upside-down and I took that out on everyone around me."

"Are you really Fire Lord Zuko?" She stepped close to him and looked him in the eyes. Zuko gulped and had to force himself not to take a step back. He wasn't afraid of her, he wasn't intimidated by her. Why was he such a coward?

"Yes, I am."

"And you came here _all alone_ to our house? Not knowing how we would react? What if we'd contacted the authorities?"

Zuko laughed softly. "I didn't get to be Fire Lord by being completely helpless. I can handle whatever local authorities you could drum up." She didn't look convinced. "But you're right, the head of my security was not happy when I said I wanted to do this on my own. I came into the Earth Kingdom with my personal guard. They're waiting for me back in the village, but I really wanted to apologize to you by _myself_."

"But who would give a Fire Lord a scar like that?" she whispered almost to herself, reaching her hand to his face.

He stopped her hand again, just like he had all those years ago.

"You haven't heard?" he said roughly. "I thought everyone knew that story. It was my father. He was teaching me a lesson."

She kept staring up at him, and it took him a minute to realize he hadn't let go of her hand yet. He dropped it suddenly, guiltily. A few seconds later, she had taken his hand again and was leaning her face in to his. He knew he should move, but he felt frozen in place. Her lips brushed his, and he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry you had to live through that," she whispered against his cheek. "And I don't hate you for what you did."

 _I don't hate you..._

Mai.

If there was a perfect opposite to Mai, it would be Song. Mai was sharp, Song was soft. Mai was gloomy, Song was cheery. Mai was sarcastic, Song was sweet. Song saw him stealing the ostrich horse and let it go, Mai would have pinned him to a tree and stolen the animal back. Song was the perfect Earth Kingdom girl, beautiful and grounded and sweet and deferential. And if life had been different and he had been forced to live the rest of his life in the Earth Kingdom, he could easily have fallen in love with her. But Zuko was Fire Lord, and he loved Mai.

 _And Mai is waiting for me, and if I don't get this under control_ right now _I will regret it._

He mentally shook himself and took a step back. He made a short bow.

"I should go back to the village. My guards are waiting. With the Fire Lady."

Song reddened. "Right. With the Fire Lady." She stepped back, too, and put a hand to her blushing cheek. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it's okay. But all the same," he smiled slightly, "Better not do it again."

She still looked horrified, which was not at all the way he wanted her to feel after he came to beg her forgiveness, so he did the only thing he could think of at the moment. He put his hands on her shoulders and waited until she was looked up at him.

"Hey, it's fine. Really. I'm the one here to apologize. You don't have to be sorry for anything."

She smiled weakly back at him.

"Oh!" he said suddenly, turning towards the saddle bags. "Before I go, I wanted to tell you that the saddle bags are full of gold. There is enough to hopefully make up for any inconvenience or financial hardship you suffered these past years due to this, with interest, and extra to pay for the new hen's upkeep for a few years." He opened one side of the saddle bag to show her. "And if you ever need anything else - I mean it: money, a personal guard, a messenger hawk, an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Fire Nation, _anything_ \- send me a message and I will make sure it happens.

Her mouth fell open, and she looked up at him, confused. "I don't understand. What were the other gifts for, then?"

It was Zuko's turn to be confused. "What other gifts?"

"It wasn't that long after you left - maybe a month or two - that we received a couple of gold pieces along with a message saying it was partial payment for the hen. Then a few months after that we received a larger sum to cover the rest. And every year since then we've received a gift of gold to make up for any suffering we endured because of the loss of our ostrich horse. You didn't know about this?" Zuko shook his head wordlessly. "The last few messages have been signed The Proprietor of the Jasmine Dragon. We assumed they came from you…" She trailed off as Zuko burst into laughter.

"If I ever needed proof that my uncle is a much better person than I am… No, it wasn't me. I'm the thoughtless one who forgot about this for years. My uncle, however, is a good man. He owns a tea shop called the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se. I can't believe he never told me he was doing this…"

"That's where all the other ostrich horses came from," she said, "and the extra stalls in the stable, and the maintenance to our house. We used the last few years' worth of gifts to pay for those. But the first two payments made such a big difference to us. We really would have been in a bad place without them."

He winced and ducked his head. "I'm so sorry. If it weren't for Uncle, you would have had to wait all these years until I got some sense shaken into me and realized I needed to make things right. I really cannot adequately repay you."

"Hey," she smiled at him, eyes twinkling. "It's fine, really. But all the same… better not do it again."

* * *

Mai and his guard were waiting for him just outside the village in a little meadow at the edge of the forest. The guards were standing around the carriage and chatting to each other. Mai was sitting on the ground leaning against a carriage wheel, sweaty and dirty, and looking like she'd never hated her life more.

The guards stopped talking and stood at attention as soon as they saw him coming, but he walked past them, sat down next to Mai, and leaned his head against the carriage wheel, too.

"Back so soon?"

"I had to make an early retreat."

"They drove you out?"

"Worse. They forgave everything and were super nice."

Mai patted his hand sympathetically.

"The daughter even kissed me."

Mai rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Well, I can't say I blame her. And at least you confessed."

"I promised no more secrets, and I meant it." He stood up and held his hand out to her. "Come on, let's pack up. I suddenly want to pay Uncle a visit in Ba Sing Se..."


End file.
